It was New Year's Day evening and flights were delayed due to inclement weather. The airport was abuzz, as I stood in line waiting to change our seat assignments, arrangements, I couldn't help but listen to a man yelling at agents at the counter. His face was red, his hand banged the counter and his accusing, angry voice could be heard over the din of the waiting area. I wondered wonder what had made him so mad... and moreover what did he intend to accomplish with his anger. We were waiting for a flight between Dallas and a small city in the Northeast that was due to arrive around 11 PM. At that time of night how could a delay disturb him that much?  The airport would be closing soon after our departure. I was doubtful he had a meeting or a possible missed connection at that point in time.

The ticket agents, concerned about his behavior, called security. They talked over the situation and finally decided to let him fly. While this was going on, --apparently unaware of his position, he talked to other passengers about the delay. He bred anger and discontent in the waiting area among the passengers he spoke to... many of which came forward to complain to the agents. Tension mounted as we waited for the flight crew in the waiting room.  It was a scene possibly only a coach or psychologist could look at in wonder and curiosity.

I took my seat near the front of the plane. As I settled into my 1st class seat, I was soon joined by Robert...yes, the passenger with the loud complaints.

He brought his anger into our world and began to complain about the lack of efficiency in the airline's processes. ... He ranted and postured. , I listened until I finally asked "what was his anger doing for him right now?"  He continued by expounding on his having a right be angry.  So, I asked:  "What did he need from this situation?" He was dumbfounded, then answered... he needed them to be more efficient and keep to their schedules (BEAR IN MIND THERE WERE SNOW STORMS DELAYING FLIGHTS AND CAUSING CANCELATIONS ALL DAY LONG!)  Our flight (due to flight consolidations) was only going to be 20- 30 minutes late!). We talked more about what he actually wanted to have happen, his feelings about being late, what  he could learn from all this... as the situation was still in progress, it was too soon to be objective and step back--his emotions were still in control--though after venting, he calmed down. We eventually took out our books and read and enjoyed our late dinner.

Ironically, we landed nearly 10 minutes earlier than the original flight was expected to arrive! He didn't say a word as we left the plane. At baggage claim, he caught my eye and winked... I still wonder what (, if anything,) he will take forward from this experience?

As we begin the New Year...it might be an interesting exercise to notice when we are getting frustrated or angry at a situation or a change and simply ask ourselves: What do we want right now? What benefits can we gain from the new situation? What does it mean to be in control -flowing with the situation and still being in line with our intentions in this situation? What do we need to do?

"If... Questions for the Soul," by Evelyn McFarlane & James Saywell
...is a small book of questions that can last you a life-time of enjoyable, soul-searching and self-discovery.

Anger and perspective:
Anger is set off by something inside that of that we are reacting to. Yes, we do often vent it externally, but without touching something inside of us. If we were able to be more introspective, a different emotion would arise. If we could discover what the anger is about, we can use it to our benefit. For example: are we angry anger at the way people communicate with each other?  I... f so, is it something we want to change?  What can we do to change it? Is there something we can do now, or ? ...do we need to set a plan in motion?  Is it something that is rooted in the past, but doesn't fit any longer in the present that we can let go of? How can we use this anger to achieve what is important to us?--what is it raising our awareness about?

If we tend to use our anger to try to "fix" others' shortcomings, we might want to ask instead: what would we like to change about ourselves that is setting off.

When angry, we should  can first slow down... just simply STOP for a moment, breath in and out  slowly, concentrating on the breathing  for just a few moments (or count to 10 slowly). Then step back and take a fresh look at the situation

Collaboration: Talking calmly with the person or people involved with a clear positive, forward moving outcome in mind is another stress reliever and a  good way to reach a solution to issues, rather than escalate the problem. ... Of course, you also need to listen to what is being said to you.  Adding... a sense of curiosity and openness to other possibilities to your stance, can help you reach outcomes well beyond what you thought possible... and it might well turn out to be fun, too!

Glenda sat in her office feeling proud as she reflected on the past 9 months. It had just been 9 months since she and her partner met with two consultants discussing their situation. The air had been so thick and heavy. Their merger was only 2 years old at that point, and was clearly on the rocks. Actually, you might say that they never really merged, but remained two separate entities; --warring enemies who learned to co-exist---just barely. They were unable to create the synergy that was they intended when they brought the two companies together. Each firm still saw itself as loyal to its their own.

Over the last nine months, they explored who they were as One Company. It was both a revelation to learn about each other's perspectives and it was stressful as their key leadership came together and brought the issues to the table. However, the climate changed as they began to create a new Identity--a Mission, Vision, Strategy and message that was conveyed both to internally and externally-- that had been  formed by both organizations, looking at their entirety.  As they had gone through the process,.  It was not easy to openly define what she wanted, look back the things they could have done differently, and what made them proud... or work together with their team to define a strategy. Actually, it was the realization that about 6 month's into the process that amazed her... they actually were beginning to form a team--not just their management team, but she and JorgeJoerg, her partner. They began to rely on each other and trust each other. Three  month's later, she realized that for the first time, both she and Jorge described the company as "Our Company," rather than "mine".

Admittedly, it was not an easy road and she was still learning about herself and partnering.. The company was taking another look at its vision --its shared vision-- and was planning to involve more people -80, this time--from the whole company in the strategic development. What made her the most satisfied is that when she talked about the company, she felt proud, not only of her own accomplishment, but of the feeling of the whole--the new spirit and identity that it conveyed.

"The worth is in the act. Your worth halts when you surrender the will to change and experience life. But options are before you; choose one and dedicate yourself to it. The deeds will give you new hope and purpose."... "The only desire is your heart." as spoken to Eragon by Saphira in Eragon, by Christopher Paolin

"As you look for the truth... may you find great treasures under the boulders and obstacles in your path."